Simon FitzKit...In The Field!

Current Snapshot of Interests

April 18, 2009
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GI JOE RESOLUTE: Adult version of GI Joe, by which I mean people die. So very good. …Not that people are dying; that it’s written by the initimitable Warren Ellis, author of Fell and Crooked Little Vein. Both incredible. In fact, Warren Ellis is just awesome in general; he’s the kind of person who can get away with hating humanity because that’s somehow what they love him for.

And I'll be buying cheap seasons on DVD later today.

And I'll be buying cheap seasons on DVD later today.

NINTENDO DSi: Purchased because I…kind of had to, it’s basically a slightly nicer version of the DS. Improvement? Well, its matte finish makes it feel nicer, and its screen is a little bigger, and it’s got two cameras that make it nice when my phone’s gallery is full… I like it.

MAGIC: THE GATHERING: Never played until friends recently asked if I’d sit in on a card draft. Combine collectibility with logic-problem-like deck-building strategy and occasional art by Wayne Reynolds, and I’m hooked. I just got 2 free decks mailed to me by the company as part of some kind of recruitment promotion… that I think only Magic nerds even heard about.

IMPROV: DSI High Season 2 is back (with a brand new video by Ted Hobgood), DSI Witness News is back, Banana Breakup is going to have a year-end blowout, ComedySportz is ridiculously fun, I coached ComedySportz High School League into winning the CSz March Madness Tournament at the Theater, and I’m finally feeling like I know what I’m doing with this whole spontaneous performance thing.

SHIRT.WOOT: I’ve bought a closet of $10 shirts from them in the last year. I could literally throw away every non-woot shirt I own and still not have to do laundry for three weeks (six if I rotated; don’t scoff…you do it too).

EMINEM: His new single is incredibly fun and almost exactly what I’d want a music video by me to be like (I wouldn’t fart in mine).


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Kit Needs To Move His Blog?

February 20, 2009
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My friend Sketch did this, and I remember doing it waaaay back in the day (of LiveJournal), so here’s What I Need:

Type in your name and “needs” into Google and then write down the first 10 coherent things that come up.

  1. Your Stress Relief Kit Needs Gratitude and Humility – I’m not sure what kind of hippy-dippy stress-relief kit this is, but I’d much prefer Krunch bars and video games, since it’s easier to tell when you’ve run out
  2. Rabbit Kit needs to eat?!?!!? – Probably.  And probably more than once a day. Maybe.
  3. BLACK PEARL KIT NEEDS TO GO ASAP!!!!!!!!!!! – “Arr, years ago, I betrayed Captain Barbosa, but that’ll never come back ta haunt me, righhhhhOHSHIT!”
  4. GE TRIM KIT NEEDS INSTRUCTION – I’ve never made General Electric cutbacks before.
  5. Purchase of doll house kit needs consideration of some facts – Like the fact that it’s not handicap-accessible
  6. EMERGENCY KIT NEEDS Home Page – Know any good web designers?
  7. Outstanding piece of Kit, needs more pockets – obviously, I’m not lugging around enough detritus on my person as is
  8. kit needs to be replaced – Don’t worry, it’s like that story of the Philosopher’s Axe; I’ll still be more than the sum of my parts (or rather, my Outstanding pieces)
  9. metal kit needs new springs?
  10. Above all, alpine kit needs to do the job
...if, that is, the job involves moguls.

...if, that is, the job involves moguls.

One Vision: PlayStation Buttons

January 5, 2009
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While visiting family in Columbia, SC, I stumbled across an advertisement for an upcoming art exhibit called “Different Perspectives, One Vision.” The point seemed to be pairing senior citizens with college students and having them work together to create some kind of finished viewable photography piece (the exact nature of the work was unclear from the ad).

However, inspiration struck, and I’ve invited several people to join in posting our own (humbly, more creativity-stimulating) version of the exhibit: each week, we’ll have a challenge to take 4-8 pictures that depict the various parts of a pre-agreed set. One picture per piece, all pictures have to be have been personally taken by the submitter that week, and we’ll agree on a layout ahead of time so that we’ll have a generally easy time of matching each submitter’s depiction of each piece of the set.

Sounds more complicated than it is. Here’s this week’s One Vision:

WEEK 1: PlayStation Buttons.
The PlayStation controller has four specialized buttons:
* Triangle
* Square
* Circle
* X
Take a photograph that depicts each of these; the final layout is the same as their layout on the PlayStation controller.


And here’s my submission (click for full-size):

And other submissions:
T Hobgood (who’s obviously a better photographer than I): Gamer’s Got The Munchies

J Scronce’s:

More to come?

Can You Google

January 3, 2009
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While trying to find out the answer to a burning question of mine last night (namely “Can you sacrifice a creature and simultaneously regenerate it in Magic: The Gathering?”), I began to type the question verbatim into Google.
In the past, I’d have used the search engine specifically built for that kind of search format, but I’m still mourning the loss of their mascot (previously mentioned here), and I can only assume he has not yet escaped the carbonite.

So I began typing into Google, and –helpful search engine that it is– it popped up a list of the most likely searches that begin with the words ‘can you.’ Let’s take a look-see, shall we?

Top result by far: Can You Run It, as people try to find the website of the same name that automatically tests your computer and tells you if it meets the minimum requirements to run almost any computer program/game, a site that has a nearly impossible url to remember ( and thus must be googled for. …Although to be fair, maybe people thought that url was for the Bobbitt-fetish site: Can Your Unit.

Can You Spot the 44th President refers to the now fairly well-known Obama-win drawing:

I love the fact that this was almost certainly drawn over at least a few days’ time, as the artist just held his breath and crossed his fingers that his art would be relevant and not just an eternal What-If of a .psd file.

And then there’s the ‘Can You Get Pregnant’ questions. I would love to see those searchers’ google ads these days.

…Or maybe not.

But more than anything else, I like to imagine that all 10 of these searches came from the same person. I actually wouldn’t be surprised…Bristol.

…Oh, and for those who are wondering: No, you can’t. You’re welcome.

Sinibomb and Sugar On Every Bite!

December 2, 2008
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I made this happen.

Word up!

October 3, 2008
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Man By Your Stand

October 3, 2008
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I hate talking about politics so much. I know so precious little about the intricacies and double-binds that obviously go into every single sentence fragment uttered by the Big Dogs that I can never hope to make a rational and calm argument about anything vaguely connected to the topic.

But that’s okay because talking about politics is like that for everybody.

Imagine you and someone else are having a discussion about politics. When you’re two people who disagree about the issues, you quickly fall into snarking at one another’s failings in debate tactics and personal hygiene. When you’re two people who agree about the issues, you fellate each other’s egos until you find some tiny point you disagree on and …GOTO Line 20. (Sorry; Q-BASIC joke)

But here’s the thing I’m really sick of: calling out candidates for voting against bills about stuff they say they’re for (and vice versa). Rider clauses. Fricking rider clauses will do this argument in nearly every time; you go to vote for a bill as a whole, and people will tack on completely unrelated rider clauses to force opponents of the “main” clause to be FOR the bill as a whole (and vice versa).

But nobody thinks about rider clauses because they’re all so niggling and annoying that it’s hard to keep track of them.\

So I propose every government official open an Excel Spreadsheet right now and start a Three-Reason List: For every bill you vote(d) on, every addendum you attack(ed), every single piece of legislature that crosses/crossed your desk, you list your top 3 reasons for that decision. Then, when someone attacks your tendency to flip-flop, break out your reasons, and you won’t have to play the “Conditions had changed” Vaguery Card.

* If one of your top three reasons for voting for/against a bill is “was paid by Big Tobacco to vote that way,” you still have two reasons that you can say out loud. More importantly, it’s all in Excel, so you can Sort Data by “Reasons”; if you can’t easily count the “was paid by __________” entries, perhaps it’s time to consider some self-policing.

* Have an extra column describing what “Proposal 245a-40991z” actually was about. This will save time in the short- and long-term.

* Use the list to remind yourself of whether you were for or against the war, abortion, tax cuts and government reform. Because, let’s be honest: sometimes you just forget that kind of thing and let your aide sit in and vote for you.

Instant Photographification

September 19, 2008
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From Sketch Hobgood

The Rules of the Meme:
Take a picture of yourself right now.
Don’t change your clothes, don’t fix your hair…just take a picture.
Post that picture with NO editing.
Post these instructions with your picture.

Posted in me on display

The Dragon*Pros Are Far Outweighed.

September 4, 2008

This past weekend, Dragon*Con took over half of Atlanta (the Underdark half, if you were wondering), and that means thousands of my nerdly brethren descended on every hotel in a ten-block radius of wherever Nathan Fillion was standing at the time, and that 8/9 of those thousands came in costume.

Costume. The word calls to mind equal parts ‘Halloween’ and ‘a theatrical production,’ which –8/9 of the time– translates to ‘scary’ and ‘a flop.’ I kid, I kid. There certainly are an unbelievable number of amazing outfits present every year, showcasing just how many hundreds of dollars and manhours some people are willing to spend to be confused with a Sci-Fi Channel Original character actor. But then there are those poor souls who go that extra mile to call themselves out, to draw uncomfortable attention to their potato-sack body-type or their incomprehension of the fact that there is a time to stop mashing up concepts (See: Garth Vader, Darth Parton, Bart Vader, Darth Vedder, Darth Vader Zim, Perth Vader, Ollie North Vader, Darth Vanadium, Darth Vega, Darth Avida, Dorothy Vader, and…Hello Vader).

Oh, but pictures do help, don’t they? Let’s see who we have out on the floor…

Let’s steer around the Boba Fat jokes (Foba Bat?) and go straight to the problem of thinking that 2(Awesome) = Awesomer. Reese’s are the exception, not the rule. I mean, what would happen if Samuel L Jackson dressed up as Wesley Snipes? This. What would happen if Samuel L Jackson dressed up as Professor Xavier? This. What would happen if Samuel L Jackson dressed up as Nick Fury? This.
Plus, if you only look at him from the waist down (and I’m truly sorry to force that concept on you), he looks like the Dread Pirate Robert(s) …Bob, a Fat Pirate?… damn! So close.

Heh heh…Beavis, Beavis: …Co-Bra Commandos. Henh, henh…

Seriously though, I think these two were created by Gargamel to seduce the other Cobras into getting sloppy. And while it’s still unclear whether he wants to eat the Cobras or merely turn them into GI Gold, one think remains clear: Cobra Commander totally called dibs on a threesome.

Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, Thunderdome Lasertag’s not until next week.

Actually, take a look at her trophies: torn hair clumps at the waistband, red plastic hat at the navel… oh god… Bitch scalped Howdy Doody.

Senator John Kerry, God of Mischief.

Didn’t I fuckin’ just. say., “Not nobody, not nohow?”

ALTERNATE COMMENTARY: Polio took its heaviest toll, however, on the steampunk genre.

And the DownLoadable Content for Team Fortress 2 continues with the “Victorian Safari Skins Pack.” Pictured here: Medic, Spy, Heavy, Scout, and Engineer. Bonus unlockables: The Blunderbuss, the Jumanji Board, and the Doctor Vatson.

Ah, cosplay: The only pastime where blackface is still okay.

Flipping your fins,
You don’t get too far.
Bet a stiff breeze
Knocked you
Don’t wear a costume
That hinders your
–what’s the word?–
You think you look neat,
But really, you’re dim. (Some)
guy snatches your shells,
How you gonna chase hiiiiiim?
Let me ask you
Waddle you do,
Pretty nerd…giiiiirl?


Faster Than A Locomotive, Cheaper Than A Gold Box Deal

July 27, 2008
1 Comment has amazing sales on DVDs, but lately, they’ve just been outselling themselves, making their sales less meaningful.

Or maybe those DVDs are actually only 33% off under a red sun, but long ago, his parents saw that their race would be doomed to be remaindered, so they sent their only son (using Superman Saver Delivery) to Earth, where –in the heat of a yellow sun– his movies and television shows gained phenomenal comic powers [sic] for the good of all mankind.

MR SOCKO: My heeeeeero.

I’ve been shopping for years, spending too much money on DVDs.
Thank you,, for these wonderful Superman returns
on my investment.

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