Simon FitzKit...In The Field!

J. Jonah Jingleheimer Schmidt…His Name Is My Name Too

April 30, 2008
1 Comment

My friend Sketch has lately taken to using the Magic Words (i.e. “Oh, and Kit, I know I don’t have to challenge you on this one, but just in case: I challenge you!”) more and more often, thus necessitating that I post more often.

Boohoo, right?

In any case, this time he found an interesting meme, the kind where you fill in the empty speech bubbles in a classic comic book panel, to hilarious effect. Normally, I don’t get especially inspired by them. I might even have passed this one by if not for Sketch’s timely official challenge…and his posting the plug-and-play Photoshop file he used for mass production.

I felt this particular panel deserved a very narrow-focused attack, and so I present my efforts:

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And Iron…Iron So Far Away

April 8, 2008
2 Comments

Project Rooftop, the blog that asks the question: “What if superheroes wore cooler outfits?” posted an Iron Man Redesign contest. Then my friend Sketch challenged several of us to enter.

Now, I’m no artist, but I did try my hand at a quick doodle. It’s probably not submission-worthy, but hey, this is my place; I get to post whatever I want.


You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m In Recovery

March 19, 2008
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Found on Marvelous News:


First of all, Operation Hulk sounds like the Mad Lib General Ross fills out every morning at work:
“Hey, Samson. Give me an ‘-er’ noun and your favorite pet.”
“Um…’policer’ and ‘goldfish’?”
“Fine. Tell the men we’re deploying at 1100 hours for Operation Hulk Policer Goldfish. Prepare the underwater officers. Agamemnon, I need a past tense verb and the name of someone at the table.”
“Yawn… ‘broke’ and ‘Glenn Talbot’.”
“Perfect! Send word that, at 1230 hours, we move on Operation Hulk Broke Glenn Talbot. Poor man. Deserves my daughter, but that monster made that impossible. Betty: a gerund and an adverb.”
“Daaaaaad…oh, fine. ‘Moving’ and ‘Gratefully’.”
“That’ll do, I guess. Get the Hulkbusters ready by 1400 hours for Operation Hulk Moving Gratefully…uh…hmm. Oh! Okay, get Century 21 and Atlantic Van Lines on the phone. We need Banner’s house cleared out and all his stuff shipped to the Hulkbuster base by Friday. Gets him out of our hair, am I right?”

Meanwhile, look at Hulk’s hand in that picture: he got in a fight with Voldemort right before this was taken. Maybe that’s the reason that he’s farting noxious fumes: Hulk’s body absorbs the Killing Curse and digests it, shooting the remnants out as a defense mechanism.

And what about those other indentations. Don’t you hate it when you fall asleep on top of your teddy bear, heart and butterflies? I’m surprised he didn’t have a keyboard one on his face, but then, why would Hulk fall asleep at a computer?

And while we’re on the ‘Why’ question: Why are Spider- and Iron Man the physicians in attendance? I’d personally go with Doctor Strange and Mister Fantastic…you know, men with MDs, not just technically smart guys who probably think the heart is on the far right side of the ches…oh wait (looks at box art)…okay, maybe they know better than I do.

I do notice though that this game is meant to be played for 15 minutes. 15 whole minutes, huh? That sure is an entertaining game if you can take a good 20 minutes to pull it out, set up all the pieces explain the rules…and then it’ll keep your 6-or-more-year-old entertained for half the time it takes to cook a pizza. Or, to be fair, as long as it’d take to watch an episode of almost any show on Adult Swim.

Okay, now we should open the box and look at the board itself.


And definitely click on the picture to see it full size.

Okay, so I’m going to try to guess what those are supposed to be. I assume I’ll be hitting on at least a couple of their bad puns, but probably not all of them…
1) Missile Toe
2) Bear Foot
3) Sea An(kle)nemone
4) Never-Changes-Pants Crotch Sweat
5) The Bruce banner (get it? get it?)
6) Pulled Hamstring?
7) Butterflies In Hulk’s Love Handles? Moth-Eaten Clothes?
8) Hulk’s Heart Isn’t In The Right Place
9) Shoulder Boombox? (Is that supposed to be a rib cage?)
10) Lightning Reflexes? Shooting Pain Up Your Left Arm? The Shocker? General Thunder Ross? The Thunder Of Mighty Guns? Waitwaitwait: it must be misplaced from his hands. It’s Thunderclap.
11) Green Thumb
12) Form Of A Fist Made Of Ice…

I think my favorite, by far, is that apparent sea anemone. What the hell is that? From when Hulk went wading near the Great Barrier Reef? Or when he landed in the Danbury Aquarium? Ridiculous.


Mo Cap, Mo Problems

January 24, 2008
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The Shadow and I are working for Epic Games, doing Motion Capture for an as-of-yet unnameable project (i.e. The NDA I signed prevents me from saying what game we’re working on until they actually announce the title).

So I can’t tell you any specifics. However, I can go ahead and say: Mo Cap suits are hilarious, and I spent the entire day feeling like Jamie Madrox.

I get paid to do the most awesome things these days.


I’ll Be Marvel When I’m Dead

December 20, 2007
1 Comment

In my Inbox this morning:
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These messages were sent while you were offline.

11:46 PM Matt: Two word question for you: Marvel Zombies?
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MY ANSWERS:

1) Yes, I like the Marvel Zombies. I have read the books but do not own any for people to borrow; instead, I used the sneaky poor-comic-nerd tactic of “flipping through” each issue as it came out…flipping through page by page, panel by panel… good stuff. Really good, but what else does one expect from Robert Kirkman, zombie author extraordinaire? And every cover is a parody of a classic Marvel Milestone comic cover (same thing goes for every reprint, each with its own new cover to parody). I have also read and enjoyed Army of Darkness Vs. Marvel Zombies but only because I’m a sucker for new classic Bruce Campbell stories (especially since he’s stopped being quite as cool these days).

2) Marvel Zombies got started during a run of Ultimate Fantastic Four when Ultimate Mr. Fantastic opened up a portal to another dimension, supposedly the main Marvel universe. Now, creators of the Ultimate universe had already said in multiple interviews that if Ultimate Marvel ever had a crossover with Earth-616 (the interdimensional area code for the main Marvel universe), “you’ll know we’re out of ideas and we should stop.”

So fans were a bit nervous/disappointed to see this FF-crossover. BUT EXPECTATIONS BE DAMNED! It turned out that the alternate universe Ultimate Reed Richards had opened was actually another universe where all the superheroes had been turned into zombies. They’d retained most of their personalities, but now the desire to save people had been transformed into the desire to eat them as fast as they could.

Now, of course, we’re to the point where a recent run of Black Panther comics had Earth-616 run into the Marvel Zombies, so that technically means we’ve had a two-step crossover with Ultimate, but hey, who cares about the spirit of the law these days, right?

3) Yes. Really. Marvel Zombies. I’m glad there are people who can think of these things because otherwise I’d say you can’t make stuff like this up.

4) If I were a Marvel Zombie, I’d be Zombie Spiderman, constantly guilt-ridden from having eaten my loved ones, always making jokes that annoy the hell out of most of the rest of the zombie heroes (zombieroes?), always descending on a webline upside down and waiting until my prey turned to say a quick one-liner before grabbing their head and sucking out an eye.

5) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvel_Zombies

6) Except.