Simon FitzKit...In The Field!

Kit Needs To Move His Blog?

February 20, 2009
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My friend Sketch did this, and I remember doing it waaaay back in the day (of LiveJournal), so here’s What I Need:

Type in your name and “needs” into Google and then write down the first 10 coherent things that come up.

  1. Your Stress Relief Kit Needs Gratitude and Humility – I’m not sure what kind of hippy-dippy stress-relief kit this is, but I’d much prefer Krunch bars and video games, since it’s easier to tell when you’ve run out
  2. Rabbit Kit needs to eat?!?!!? – Probably.  And probably more than once a day. Maybe.
  3. BLACK PEARL KIT NEEDS TO GO ASAP!!!!!!!!!!! – “Arr, years ago, I betrayed Captain Barbosa, but that’ll never come back ta haunt me, righhhhhOHSHIT!”
  4. GE TRIM KIT NEEDS INSTRUCTION – I’ve never made General Electric cutbacks before.
  5. Purchase of doll house kit needs consideration of some facts – Like the fact that it’s not handicap-accessible
  6. EMERGENCY KIT NEEDS Home Page – Know any good web designers?
  7. Outstanding piece of Kit, needs more pockets – obviously, I’m not lugging around enough detritus on my person as is
  8. kit needs to be replaced – Don’t worry, it’s like that story of the Philosopher’s Axe; I’ll still be more than the sum of my parts (or rather, my Outstanding pieces)
  9. metal kit needs new springs? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSqimIoSnbc
  10. Above all, alpine kit needs to do the job
...if, that is, the job involves moguls.

...if, that is, the job involves moguls.

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Can You Google

January 3, 2009
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While trying to find out the answer to a burning question of mine last night (namely “Can you sacrifice a creature and simultaneously regenerate it in Magic: The Gathering?”), I began to type the question verbatim into Google.
In the past, I’d have used the search engine specifically built for that kind of search format, but I’m still mourning the loss of their mascot (previously mentioned here), and I can only assume he has not yet escaped the carbonite.

So I began typing into Google, and –helpful search engine that it is– it popped up a list of the most likely searches that begin with the words ‘can you.’ Let’s take a look-see, shall we?

Top result by far: Can You Run It, as people try to find the website of the same name that automatically tests your computer and tells you if it meets the minimum requirements to run almost any computer program/game, a site that has a nearly impossible url to remember (www.canyourunit.com) and thus must be googled for. …Although to be fair, maybe people thought that url was for the Bobbitt-fetish site: Can Your Unit.

Can You Spot the 44th President refers to the now fairly well-known Obama-win drawing:

I love the fact that this was almost certainly drawn over at least a few days’ time, as the artist just held his breath and crossed his fingers that his art would be relevant and not just an eternal What-If of a .psd file.

And then there’s the ‘Can You Get Pregnant’ questions. I would love to see those searchers’ google ads these days.

…Or maybe not.

But more than anything else, I like to imagine that all 10 of these searches came from the same person. I actually wouldn’t be surprised…Bristol.

…Oh, and for those who are wondering: No, you can’t. You’re welcome.


Word up!

October 3, 2008
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Wordle.net: The world’s foremost word-mapping program. So cool. I made the ones above, but this one’s currently my favorite:


Faster Than A Locomotive, Cheaper Than A Gold Box Deal

July 27, 2008
1 Comment

Amazon.com has amazing sales on DVDs, but lately, they’ve just been outselling themselves, making their sales less meaningful.

Or maybe those DVDs are actually only 33% off under a red sun, but long ago, his parents saw that their race would be doomed to be remaindered, so they sent their only son (using Superman Saver Delivery) to Earth, where –in the heat of a yellow sun– his movies and television shows gained phenomenal comic powers [sic] for the good of all mankind.

MR SOCKO: My heeeeeero.

I’ve been shopping for years, spending too much money on DVDs.
Thank you, Amazon.com, for these wonderful Superman returns
on my investment.


Warren Ellis Bingo

July 24, 2008
1 Comment

I read Warren Ellis’ blog, and now, I’m on it:


You Have To Spurn The Trope

July 13, 2008
2 Comments

So as you may or may not have heard me cheering over the past week, I won a song-parody contest! First, play the game You Have To Burn The Rope (HERE). It will literally take you under a minute. The contest was to write a parody of the closing theme, and to make it about my favorite video game moment.

I wrote it about the game “Shadow of Colossus” and they previewed my entry during this podcast (skip to 1:12:45 ). (They say, “By Kit FitzSimons, which is an awesome name.” Whee!)

And then the guy who wrote the original song commented on my parody, and his favorite line was line 3 (heard here – skip to 0:56:08). (He says, “He’s got a nice flow with the rhymes.”)

Regardless of what you may think of the people who run the podcast, I now have a free DS Lite, courtesy of them!

Thanks to my friend Sketch who suggested the reverb and who found a way to make the claps work so well…and, you know, for running Garage Band and mixing my vocals.


Sing A Song of Sevenpence

June 2, 2008
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I was not tagged in the meme-stream, that I know of, but I feel like con-tributary-ing, so…

The Seven Songs Meme:
(found via warrenellis.com, but quoted from Kid Shirt)

“List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to.”

(I’ve included Youtube links)

1. Muse “Supermassive Black Hole”
I don’t understand it; why would Muse not record more songs that sound like this? I like other stuff they’ve done, but I wouldn’t put anything else from their discography on repeat for hours at a time. It’s upbeat, it’s fun to play on Guitar Hero 3 (I first heard the song when it became downloadable content), and I don’t really have to explain who the group is when telling my friends that I like this song.

Also, if somebody would get me a red jacket like the one Matthew Bellamy’s wearing in that video, I’d be forever grateful.

2. Nappy Roots “Good Day”
Yes, in fact, it does have half a verse in which he raps the contents of a church barbecue’s picnic table. But this song is like ‘Hard Knock Life’ ramped up and made twice as happy. It’s one of those rare rap songs about how people might be better off not living a Grand Theft Auto lifestyle 24/7. I heard it on the radio and immediately went home and downloaded it.

3. Valeriya “The Party’s Over”
She’s what happens when a Russian singer wants to do what Shakira did, only in the style of 2000’s-Madonna. Found via Jeff, this video is ridiculous. Keep an eye out for her token male-backup dancer, who apparently was very proud of the fact that his choreographer had finally taught him the “Number One Dance Move In The West” — aka taking off your hat and putting it back on. Also, Valeriya looks like Emily Procter from CSI: Miami (image here).

4. The Hoosiers “Goodbye Mr A”
Upbeat again. I think a pattern is beginning to emerge here. The song’s supposedly about the singer’s elementary school math teacher, and that actually makes a lot of the lines make more contextual/wordplay sense. The Hoosiers are actually one of my more-recently-found favorite bands. I don’t usually have favorite bands because my tastes are so eclectic that I often will only like one song that a group has done and feel indifferent about the rest of their work. Exceptions of the past have included Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray, and Josie & the Pussycats (from the movie). As you can tell, I like music that makes me bounce along to it.

5. The Hives “Die All Right
Another rare favorite band of mine, The Hives have crept into my consciousness from all directions; radio, music videos, Guitar Hero 3, Rock Band, Weird Al Yankovic, the fact that their songwriter is a possibly fictional person whose last name is pronounced the same way mine is…it all seemed a conspiracy to get me to listen to them. Well, I have fallen; it’s music like this that makes me want to have long hair to properly headbang with.

6. Presidents of the United States of America “Mixed Up SOB”
PUSA are goofy weirdos, kind of like The Hives, actually. Weird Al Yankovic directed this music video, something that should not surprise you once you’ve seen 30 seconds of it. I love the line “She’s stuck in gear. It’s just too bad it’s Reverse.” That’s wit, people. That’s what’s missing from T-Pain’s music that keeps me from getting down to apple-bottom jeans. Speaking of T-Pain though…

7. T-Pain “Church”
The only track I can stand off the soundtrack for Step Up 2: The Streets, and it’s just amazing. I want to record a music video of my own for it; that’s how fun it is to dance to.

And the tags:
1. Ted H
2. Jeff S
3. Joe S
4. Corey B
5. Jeremy G
6. Remi T
7. Katie S


Sing A Song of Sevenpence

June 2, 2008
Leave a Comment

I was not tagged in the meme-stream, that I know of, but I feel like con-tributary-ing, so…

The Seven Songs Meme:
(found via warrenellis.com, but quoted from Kid Shirt)

“List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to.”

(I’ve included Youtube links)

1. Muse “Supermassive Black Hole”
I don’t understand it; why would Muse not record more songs that sound like this? I like other stuff they’ve done, but I wouldn’t put anything else from their discography on repeat for hours at a time. It’s upbeat, it’s fun to play on Guitar Hero 3 (I first heard the song when it became downloadable content), and I don’t really have to explain who the group is when telling my friends that I like this song.

Also, if somebody would get me a red jacket like the one Matthew Bellamy’s wearing in that video, I’d be forever grateful.

2. Nappy Roots “Good Day”
Yes, in fact, it does have half a verse in which he raps the contents of a church barbecue’s picnic table. But this song is like ‘Hard Knock Life’ ramped up and made twice as happy. It’s one of those rare rap songs about how people might be better off not living a Grand Theft Auto lifestyle 24/7. I heard it on the radio and immediately went home and downloaded it.

3. Valeriya “The Party’s Over”
She’s what happens when a Russian singer wants to do what Shakira did, only in the style of 2000’s-Madonna. Found via Jeff, this video is ridiculous. Keep an eye out for her token male-backup dancer, who apparently was very proud of the fact that his choreographer had finally taught him the “Number One Dance Move In The West” — aka taking off your hat and putting it back on. Also, Valeriya looks like Emily Procter from CSI: Miami (image here).

4. The Hoosiers “Goodbye Mr A”
Upbeat again. I think a pattern is beginning to emerge here. The song’s supposedly about the singer’s elementary school math teacher, and that actually makes a lot of the lines make more contextual/wordplay sense. The Hoosiers are actually one of my more-recently-found favorite bands. I don’t usually have favorite bands because my tastes are so eclectic that I often will only like one song that a group has done and feel indifferent about the rest of their work. Exceptions of the past have included Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray, and Josie & the Pussycats (from the movie). As you can tell, I like music that makes me bounce along to it.

5. The Hives “Die All Right
Another rare favorite band of mine, The Hives have crept into my consciousness from all directions; radio, music videos, Guitar Hero 3, Rock Band, Weird Al Yankovic, the fact that their songwriter is a possibly fictional person whose last name is pronounced the same way mine is…it all seemed a conspiracy to get me to listen to them. Well, I have fallen; it’s music like this that makes me want to have long hair to properly headbang with.

6. Presidents of the United States of America “Mixed Up SOB”
PUSA are goofy weirdos, kind of like The Hives, actually. Weird Al Yankovic directed this music video, something that should not surprise you once you’ve seen 30 seconds of it. I love the line “She’s stuck in gear. It’s just too bad it’s Reverse.” That’s wit, people. That’s what’s missing from T-Pain’s music that keeps me from getting down to apple-bottom jeans. Speaking of T-Pain though…

7. T-Pain “Church”
The only track I can stand off the soundtrack for Step Up 2: The Streets, and it’s just amazing. I want to record a music video of my own for it; that’s how fun it is to dance to.

And the tags:
1. Ted H
2. Jeff S
3. Joe S
4. Corey B
5. Jeremy G
6. Remi T
7. Katie S


I Guess Jihad To Be There

May 31, 2008
1 Comment

Dunkin’ Donuts ran the following ad, starring Rachael Ray holding some coffee in a park:

It apears to be very harmless. However, it apparently caused an internet blogosphere meltdown in which Dunkin’ Donuts was accused of supporting terrorism. As reported in The Independent:
“The offending item, though, is the scarf, which reminded one blogger of the keffiyeh head-dress worn by Arab men, an item which a second blogger – picking up the theme and running several miles with it – dubbed ‘jihadi chic’. The Little Green Footballs blog, a conservative favourite, accused Dunkin’ Donuts of ‘casually promoting the symbol of Palestinian terrorism and the intifada’.”

And Dunkin’ Donuts pulled the ad, causing ANOTHER blogosphere meltdown, as bloggers called the company cowardly for caving “in the face of an out-of-control conservative blogosphere.”

(PS: ‘blogosphere’ is a fun word, isn’t it?)

Out of control? Maybe, but obviously, we can all agree it wasn’t out-of-control enough. Let’s remedy this situation forthwith.

(turns around and centers self, then quickly turns back around)

What. The F. Has Dunkin’ Donuts gone crazy? A little too much of their Arabic blend? This ad is a blatant promotion of terrorism! Look at that scarf Rachael Ray is wearing; it’s a f**king keffiyeh head-dress worn by Arab men! Arab MEN. And she, a woman, is wearing it out in the g*dd*mn park, like she isn’t cowering from God and men’s sight! Put some f**king clothes on, you whore of Babylon (i.e. Babylon in Iraq, you terrorist!) By putting Rachael Ray in that keffiyeh, DD, you’re offending Americans who don’t want to see some kind of g*dd*amn Hamas fashion show…but you’re also offending Arabs who’ll see this ad, think, “That woman is wearing a man’s headdress around her neck, and it isn’t because her husband’s choking her with it! Crossdresser! Abomination! Abomination! Abomination! I’ll bomb a nation!”

And terrorism will ensue.

But that’s not all. Some of my distinguished blogosphere associates have stopped at the jaunty heretical scarf, but not I. No, the men behind this advertisement are unbelievable in more ways than one. They said in their “apology” yesterday, “The possibility of misperception detracted from its original intention to promote our iced coffee.”

“Iced coffee?” ICED COFFEE?!? Sounds like, ‘Iced Kofi’ –as in Kofi Annan, ex-UN Secretary General, who is currently on the board of directors of the UN Foundation– and it is outrageous for Dunkin’ Donuts to blatantly be recruiting terrorists to assassinate Kofi Annan in an online ad like that. Now, my blogosphere enemies (I’m looking at you, Rene Duquesnoy Joomlas on your Ass!) might say that there have been thousands of ads for iced kofi, and I’ve never spoken up before, but I say to you, SHUT UP! Those ads were distasteful, yes, but not necessarily proterrorist.

This ad is special because of all the secret visual handshakes it’s giving to terrorists. Look closer. There’s a building in the background, an American landmark of enormous importance to the citizens of our great country, and it is being highlighted for destruction. I hope our military and law enforcement services are on-site at that building…wherever it is (maybe that’s a gold statue of Jefferson or something? Is it maybe the Holocaust museum? Help me out, blogosphere cohorts!) It’s an American treasure though, regardless of what building it actually is, and Dunkin’ Donuts is outright commanding terrorists to bomb it to kill Kofi Annan, and Rachael Ray is there so they know they’ll only have a 30-minute timeframe to work with.

And under the logo, what does it say? AMERICA RUNS. “On Dunkin'”? Perhaps. “From terrorism”? Definitely.

(…Maybe if I click on ‘Find A Store’ it’ll tell me where that building is.)

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Okay, I’m done.


And Iron…Iron So Far Away

April 8, 2008
2 Comments

Project Rooftop, the blog that asks the question: “What if superheroes wore cooler outfits?” posted an Iron Man Redesign contest. Then my friend Sketch challenged several of us to enter.

Now, I’m no artist, but I did try my hand at a quick doodle. It’s probably not submission-worthy, but hey, this is my place; I get to post whatever I want.


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